Hi, kids!

Hi, kids!

How are you all doing today?

Good.

That's real good.

Today I'm going to show you how to make people's eyes lock up like a raccoon caught in a pair of headlights.

Does that sound like fun?

Are you ready?

Then let's go...

Don't you hate it when someone asks how you are doing? I know I do. I always have to say, "Fine. Everything's just fine." Or, "Not bad. How are you today?" Sometimes I just want to grab their face and yell, "None of your fucking business, asshole! What are you? A fucking cop?" But that's not very nice, is it boys and girls? No. That's not very nice at all. So what do you do when you feel like that?

Do what I do.

Tell them how you really really feel. That will show them but good.

Say something like

Geeze...

I've got this pain in the small of my back, a huge ass headache, I think my lover is cheating on me, I'm late with the rent, my goldfish doesn't understand me, and what's the deal with this fake metal shit? I mean, what the fuck ever happened to good old rock and roll?

You'd be suprised at the number of people who won't know that you are just messing with them. Most folks will leave you alone real quick. It works most of the time. If you are a girl throw in a mention of "that time of the month", or vaginal warts or something like that. If some guy is bothering you he'll walk away in no time flat. That should work about eighty-five percent of the time.

Of course sometimes you don't feel that angry, just a little bugged.

In that case try this:

Point to your arm and say, "Well, my Aykroyd is grinding against my Verhoeven., you know? Right where the Zemeckis meets the Beatrice Dalle? It makes my Coppola throb like a son of a bitch. My doctor gave me some of that Bon Jovi and, as long as I rub it in deep enough i seem to have it under control."

That ought to show the bastards, huh?

And always remember to tell those Christians, "Um. No thanks! I tried that in my last life and it didn't work out all that great for me."

Welp

I can see by the clock on the wall that i have to go buy a new clock.

Until next time

See ya next time!