idea for a tv show:
the surreal housewives of transylvania
Saturday, August 29, 2020
Lu
why would god cast lucifer out? i mean, being a loving and understanding god wouldn't he be really cool about the whole thing?
'yeah. that's a nice desk, ain't it kid? look, i'm going to lunch. there's some mars bars in the top left hand drawer. feel free to help yourself. just don't make any toll calls or anything, okay?'
Durward
i haven't heard someone call somebody a 'durward kirby lookin' motherfucker' in a real long time.
Memes
next time on 'i'm not very funny so here's a meme i stole from someone and didn't give them credit because people didn't pay enough attention to me when i was younger and now i need the endorphins on a daily basis so i can feel like i have worth':
'something from way before you were born that you shouldn't give a shit about that is honestly none of your business anyway '
don't miss it!
Party
when all this is over i can't imagine someone going to a party, stating that they work for the electoral college, and not being savagely beaten with a floor lamp and chucked through a plate glass window. it's the romantic in me.
Cops
you know, if a lot less people had lied to cops in the past there wouldn't be as many problems. just my opinion here...
Dogs
you shouldn't use fireworks once a year because it may or may not bother pets. your car alarm though? hey! nobody ever brought that up before and you've never thought about it so feel free to wake people up or ruin someone's orgasm or just be a basic pain in the ass any time you want. and if dogs happen to bark loud and a lot because of you, fuck 'em.
Cup
i'm thinking that waking up to folgers in your cup wouldn't suck or anything but wouldn't going back to sleep be even better?
you know, or some sex?
Johnson (or not, really)
Dakota Johnson's bisexual? i'm gonna stick my neck out and say that if it were any of my business it would be pretty cool.
Wonder
i always wondered what happened to her. well, okay, maybe not always. sometimes i'd wonder what i wanted on my pizza or how come danny elfman hasn't got an oscar or what happened to that pen that i put down 30 seconds ago, but i'm pretty sure you know what i mean.
Funk
wait a minute!
funk and wagnalls wrote a dictionary.
that means that funk is an actual last name.
therefore, somewhere there must be at least one guy named dr. funk.
i love that my mind thinks of stuff like that!
Rumble
what's the deal with the richter scale? why don't they rate that shit from one to ten so dumb fucks like me can understand it all?
Remember
if you don't vote in november you won't have anything to post pointless memes about when the electoral college picks the next president.
Boom!
if i was walking away from a building that i knew was going to explode i'd turn around. why? so i could see a building explode! i mean, c'mon!
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